How to handle pushy in-laws

Once you and your spouse have gotten married, you are going to need to learn how to deal with your in-laws. In most cases, in-laws are fine and can be easily handled until a grandchild appears. Problems with pushy in-laws can begin when you are pregnant or they can start after the baby is born. For example, you might find yourself defending future decisions about putting your child into daycare or whether it is best to breast or bottle feed. If you are experiencing these kinds of problems now, you can only imagine what is going to happen once the baby is born. The problem is that if you ignore the behaviors of pushy in-laws while you are pregnant and wait to deal with the problem until later, you will find that the problem quickly got out of hand. The best thing you can do with pushy in-laws is to deal with the problem as soon as it presents itself.

One of the best things that you can do to deal with pushy in-laws is to take charge as early as possible. For example, if your mother-in-law expects to be in the delivery room and you feel otherwise, that needs to be handled right away. Ideally your husband should be the one to talk to his parents about being in the delivery room before the day even arrives, but in some cases that does not happen because of how pushy or controlling your mother-in-law is.
Something else that you can do to help deal with pushy in-laws is to be as polite as possible. There is no sense in causing problems with your in-laws by being rude. You can be both polite and assertive. For example, if you want to spend time alone with your husband and baby on the first day home from the hospital be assertive enough to make your decision known. If you do not act assertively and allow your in-laws to start making your decision, they will continue to make all of the decision. You want to set the pattern and establish the standards from the beginning.
In begin polite you are going to want to tell your in-laws how you feel and then offer other suggestions that can work out better for you and your family. In some cases, your in-laws are going to act upset and hurt to try to get you to change your mind, some might be trying to manipulate you, but most likely, they are hurt and upset. If this happens, you cannot change your mind you need to get tough and stand behind your decision. The best way to deal with this is politely and respectfully, but sometimes you might have to handle it in other ways. The most important thing is to establish who is in control from the beginning.
Another problem that you might face with pushy in-laws is that they just show up whenever they want. This can be a hard thing to handle because it cuts into your family time. To deal with this you need to set some ground rules from the beginning. Your in-laws need to understand that they cannot come and go freely, they need to call ahead of time to see if you are available and if them coming over works for you. Again, you cannot give in or change your plans if they act hurt or upset; you need to set a standard that in time will become a habit.
In-laws can also try to override your decisions that you make, with your spouse or with your children. If they are doing, things that are against your wishes the best thing you can do are have a serious talk with them. Tell them how you feel and that things need to change. If the behavior doesn't change, you may need to limit their contact with your family until their behavior changes. If you take this measure, be sure to tell them why you are limiting their visits, so they change their behavior.